I don't know why I thought of this earlier this morning, well, maybe I do. I feel like I am in need of an attitude change. I thought about when I was playing basketball in high school and when we had out of town games. As we were coming down the street getting close to our home gym, someone on on the bus would shout "Attitude check!" and everyone would respond "1,2,3, Praise the LORD!" whether we had won or lost. The funny thing is, I'm not sure how many of us on that bus were actually praising the LORD on a daily basis with our lives. But, that's beside the point.
It's just tiring, and especially tiring when these boys wake up daily at 5:15 or 5:30, and Micah wakes earlier than that sometimes and does not go back to sleep. I feel kind of weary by late afternoon, and then Wayne comes home and brightens my day with his hug and kiss and we deal with these things together.
So back to the attitude...Beth Moore says that sometimes we need to praise first and feel it later. Somtimes you don't feel like praising, but you do it anyway. Or as David said in Psalm 43:5 "Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise him, my Savior and my God."
Last week the boys and I went to Fort Worth to visit Wayne's sister Janel and then his other sister Paula and parents were coming the next day. We didn't leave until 3 in the afternoon after his therapy. That was a mistake. We didn't arrive until 9 that night and I didn't get the boys in bed until 11. Well, I didn't know it until 4:30 am but Micah did not sleep the whole night. He had been in Janel's room so she just stayed up with him. So, at 9:30 we went to a playground near her apartment, well, kind of near. When he started swinging he got really sleepy and then did not want to walk back. At that point, he went into full meltdown, breakdown mode. When he gets upset, sometimes he just starts grabbing for things. In this case, he ran toward a wooded area near the playground and just started pulling at weeds for all he had. He is so strong and nearly impossible to handle when he gets to this point. It was a real physical struggle just to get him back to her apt. I would carry him some, he would collapse, and roll around in the grass some, I'd pick him up again, he'd collapse again, etc. He was crying, I was crying, people were passing by not offering at all to help. Meanwhile, Janel had taken Gabriel back and went to get her car to meet me part of the way back.
After a bath, he collapsed and slept for 4 hours. Whew. All I could figure out was that he had gotten overstimulated from the trip and just could not settle himself down.
The next day he had broken out in poison ivy and it was nearly everywhere on his body. It was awful! He was swollen and itchy and was that way for the next few days. He was really not very happy for a lot of the week and took all of us to deal with him, but he was happy when we went to the pool.
I often question making a trip with the boys by myself or doing a lot of things that may involve Wayne not being with us. Then I have to remind myself that you have to take the good with the bad, realize that sometimes sacrifices are necessary to get to see people that I want to see or do some things that are important to me. I never know how Micah will respond in a situation, but it is worth it, usually. Even if there are frustrating circumstances along the way.